So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
These tits shall not be calmed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
