I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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