When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
