weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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