There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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