yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
