I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
