shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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