this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
