She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
