Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
