Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
