can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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