$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
