i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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