I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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