Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
