Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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