Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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