I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
