Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
