i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
