"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
