I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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