Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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