dude i'm inner monologue high
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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