Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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