Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
