i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
