Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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