I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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