I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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