So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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