so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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