I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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