I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
