it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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