i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Drake has all the answers
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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