You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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