i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
smell my finger.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
