I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
