I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
