highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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