Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
