at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
