So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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