i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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