he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
