Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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