I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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