You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
bring money and cleavage
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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